knotted
by starspangledfeels
Summary: Rapunzel is left to her thoughts one night and thinks about the knotted mess that her life is, and the one thing she wouldn't change for anything.


She wished she could cut it.

The golden tresses that dragged behind her wherever she went were a painful and cumbersome reminder that she was _not_ , and never _had_ been free.

When Eugene cut her hair and saved her from an eternity enslaved to _Mother_ , Rapunzel had had complete freedom. She was free to go wherever she wanted, explore any corner of the map, discover every secret that the world had to offer.

True, she hadn't wanted it without him. But to explore Life's adventures with Eugene was all that she had dreamt of all her life- it only really began a few days before the final confrontation with Gothel.

As he died her heart slowly crumbled under the weight of the world and her dreams collapsed into rubble. But when life bloomed from her tears and Eugene was saved, her heart swelled with hope for a future by his side. She didn't know or care what the specifics were, she just knew that she wanted to be hand in hand with him forever. She wasn't going to waste this second chance.

It was a miracle. One that she did not take for granted.

Rapunzel loved her parents, dearly. But a part of her wished that she hadn't stepped foot in that castle after she was reunited with the man who stole her heart.

She was stuck within a prison again, contained by walls and guards, chained to life as a Queen- one that she wasn't entirely sure she _wanted,_ let alone ableto embrace. The room was bigger, the home was more opulent, and she had Eugene for comfort, but it was still a jail cell.

She hated thinking and feeling this way, but the thought of being trapped within the walls of this palace for the _rest_ of her entire _life_ was _horrifying_ \- something she was afraid to admit to anyone- even _Eugene_. She didn't know if he could understand her fear of being locked up when he had been out in the world for most of his life. She didn't know if he could appreciate the claustrophobia and terror she felt at the thought of being trapped again.

She hated keeping secrets from him. She hated it more than anything else, even if she felt like she had good reason.

But she was also afraid to speak her fears out loud. That might make them more real, more painful, even _undeniable_.

She was ashamed that she suffocated in the safety and peace of the castle. She was ashamed to be so ungrateful. She was ashamed to be such a mess- she couldn't even wear shoes for heaven's sake!

And life had only gotten more complicated when her hair grew back.

This time she couldn't cut it, no matter what she tried. It didn't glow or heal- it wasn't even _useful_. She wished that if she had to deal with its burden again that she would've at least been able to do some good. But the 70 feet of hair was only a cruel reminder of being locked away in a tower and of how she felt more helpless and isolated than ever.

She only brushed it for show, really. It was annoying and exhausting to do when she hated the golden tresses so much. But a princess had to be neat. She needed to be clean. She needed to be sophisticated and mature.

She needed to be everything that she wasn't.

It felt like a noose, tightening around her own neck, knotted and gnarled and _awful_. She was desperate to be rid of her hair, even after learning she could... _Control_ the rocks?

It didn't matter. She didn't want this.

She didn't want any of it.

Except for him.

If there was one shining star in this black hopelessness it was Eugene Fitzherbert.

She studied his face. He was snoring lightly, curled into a ball next to the dying fire, innocent in his sleep. She smiled wanly, it was silly really. They had stopped for the night and he banished himself to the cold while she slept in the carriage.

Now she sat on the cool grass and laid down on her side to face him. Her arms curled tighter around her body and she pulled her cloak tighter. It was warm right next to him, because he was warm, hardly needing his blanket. He was like a cozy fire all on his own.

The Stars twinkled, the crickets chirped, even Maximus dozed in place. It was so peaceful out here and it made her feel so whole, so at home, so safe. Out here in the big wide world where nothing could lock her away from him, nothing could shut her in darkness, where it was just them and the crickets and the stars.

Rapunzel softly brushed a lock of hair from Eugene's eyes. "Eugene," she whispered, savoring the name on her tongue.

He didn't stir, but she didn't want him to anyhow.

She just needed a minute to lie on the cool grass, to remind herself that he wasn't going anywhere. Or rather, neither of them would go anywhere far from the other.

Perhaps she was trapped by her hair, her destiny, and her legacy. Perhaps her life was irreversibly knotted and twisted and tangled.

But there was no one else she would rather be tangled up with.


End file.
